This piece was originally published in Quarto’s 2019 Spring Print Edition.
Illustration by Cameron Lee
for daphne, galatea,
etc., etc., etc.
black
soft velour
size small
$24 at Costco even though they’re brand name but i never cared about that kind of thing anyways
so soft
you could leave a hand print
i washed
them a few times
since
and i still see
the handprint there
i still feel
his hands
on me
on me
on me
on me
on me, i have these
pants
black
soft velour
i wear them now
as if
it never happened
they just happened to match
my outfit today
handprints
can be rubbed off
anyways
and now
i let myself
spill tears
on my black velour sweatpants
they can be washed out
anyways
and now
i let myself
spill tears
on my black velour sweatpants
they can be washed out
anyways
for we are all
trees,
rooted in time
and space
and heteronormativity
and flight makes us
all the more
lovely
anyways
tears are clear
anyways
he’s not here
anyways
i disappear
anyways
i bury
my tight shirts
in the back
of my drawer,
anyways
pygmalion would have
thought i’d dressed
like a harlot
that night
maybe it was he,
him and all the other
handprints
who turned me
to stone
because what’s hidden
must be
even
better,
right, apollo?
some times1 i see
the sun
peeking out
from the heavy slits
i call my eyes;
from sleep,
i drag
that semblance of a body
bones made of ivory
again
and again
people only leave
handprints
on things
not worth
touching
i told myself
and made myself
a fortress
out of my own skin
to hide in
from the shadows
of his handprints
and the rain
of my own judgement
anyways
i drank a beer last time
i tried
to try to feel
like he did
that night
but i wasn’t
fucked up enough
to leave a handprint
on anything
that never asked for it
i guess
i guess
my black
velour sweatpants
size small
$24 at Costco even though they’re brand name but i never cared about that kind of thing anyways
never
asked for it
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