You’re still here,
but maybe we should rethink what “here” means
because the world’s been shifting around you,
your country crumbling underneath your feet while
you can barely walk and fight to stand your ground.
Too much of your home has been made undone
for you to be in the exact same place
where I last left you.
You’re still here,
but maybe “still” is an inaccurate word
because “still” implies quiet stagnation—
no forward or backward momentum
We both know you survived too much
And lived too loud a life
for you to be exactly the same
as I last left you.
You’re still here,
but I’m not sure I can reconcile the “you” of today
with the “you” who sent me off to college two years ago.
Not when I know you can’t recognize me anymore.
How much of you is really left
when Time is stilling your heartbeat?
You’re still here,
but does it really count
when Time is stealing your memories
and twisting your voice
to the point where you and I
are no longer speaking the same language?
Pieces of your story no longer fit together
in a way I can understand.
You’re still here,
but I don’t know how long it’ll be
until night swallows your morning whole
until the light in your eyes fades to black
and God rolls the credits on your life.
You’re still here,
but I’ll never be ready for you to leave
not when your hands struggle to reach mine
not when you’ve become more skeleton than body
not when you’re lying in bed, waiting to finally
Be still.
Artist’s Statement: This is the second poem I’ve written about my grandmother since getting into poetry within the past two years. At the time of writing, my 82-year-old grandmother, who suffers from dementia, had been living with my family in Maryland and was in the process of traveling back to her home country of Cameroon. This poem can be read as a letter to her in that specific moment.
Crystal Foretia (she/her), Staff Editor at Quarto, is a junior in Columbia College studying Political Science and History. In her spare time, Crystal larps as an art critic while visiting galleries and museums. Her favorite painters are Faith Ringgold and Charles White.