On a Sunday afternoon, Fatima and Lillabeth meet at Riverside Park to reflect on their year as the Editors-in-Chief of Quarto.
Fatima
So, Lillabeth, use three words to describe yourself in freshman year.
Lillabeth
I would say eager, impressionable, and maybe, not to roast myself, but insecure. I mean, I was definitely looking for my self worth from external sources, and just didn't know who I was yet. I was still figuring that out and then I came into Quarto so open and just wanting to absorb everything from all of the other wonderful people who I was so in awe of.
Fatima
We were all insecure! Don't worry. Now use three words to describe Lillabeth in her senior year.
Lillabeth
Oh, my goodness, that's a lot harder. I would say sure-footed, not confident precisely, but just more certain of what I'm doing. I would say creative; I think creativity is something that I hold in everything I do and make space for in everything that I do. And I would say nurturing, or at least, I try to be that person for everyone I love.
Fatima
That's beautiful. It's beautiful, and it's all true.
Lillabeth
Thank you. Well, what about you? How would you describe your freshman year self in three words?
Fatima
Anxious, tired, and trying. That was me freshman year.
Lillabeth
And today?
Fatima
Today, I am inspired, gentle, open.
Lillabeth
That's beautiful. I don't know, I wish you had more compassion, maybe, for your freshman year, because, I mean, I didn't know you well then, but I would not have described you that way, or you didn't come across like that to me.
Fatima
I mean, I'm just comparing her to me now. Like, girly was tired, girly was anxious, and girly was trying her best. I mean, I definitely could have more compassion, but it's aight. I can roast her.
Lillabeth
Look at us now, yeah.
Fatima
Look at us now! So how do you feel about the end of our tenure? What surprised you the most?
Lillabeth
I feel really proud and fulfilled and satisfied, proud of us. And what surprised me the most? How scary the pressure was at times. I don't think I expected the responsibility to feel so heavy. I think in this moment, it's particularly acute, that feeling of the responsibility for our beautiful Quarties and for Quarto as an organization, as an enduring institution, but also, I think I was surprised by the way that we've overcome it, the way that we all came together, and it was such a beautiful, caring collaboration between everyone.
Fatima
Beautiful.
Lillabeth
And you? What surprised you? How are you feeling about it?
Fatima
I feel similarly fulfilled. I also feel a sense of acceptance, you know, like, Okay, this is the end of our tenure. And like, it should be, you know what I mean? I love that this is a one year gig, and we get to do it once, and we try our best at it. And Quarto changes ever so slightly depending on who's the administration of the year, and I think the AlJarman-Brodersen administration was, like, kind of iconic.
Lillabeth
Oh, yeah!
Fatima
If I do say so myself, so I feel really happy. What surprised me the most was honestly, honestly, I am really surprised by us as a duo, not in, like, I anticipated it going wrong, that's not what I mean. But I mean I couldn't imagine how well it went, because, of course, I've always kind of known that you were this beautiful, sweetheart, working woman, but I really feel like I fell in love with you this year. And I'm not gonna get emotional, but I really feel like I did, and I feel like I gained a new good friend, and that was something that I never thought I would gain out of this. And that is worth the world. You know what I mean? So that surprised me a lot, and I'm very, very grateful for it.
Lillabeth
Yeah, that's really true. I never could have anticipated how special this would be. Being parents to our Quarto babies has just been, I mean, not to go on a little tangent, but I remember when we were doing interviews in the fall, and it was sort of the first time that I had gotten to spend a long period of time with you and witness you in your element. And I was truly in awe of you. I was like, wow, how lucky am I to be alongside this woman?! And I was realizing that sitting next to you was going to challenge me to be the best version of myself, and it has, in the most beautiful way. And I surprised myself because I was inspired by you.
Fatima
You're too kind.
(hug break)
Lillabeth
What has been your most memorable Quarto experience?
Fatima
The thing with this question is I can name like, 35, so I'm just gonna rapid fire some of my favorite Quarto moments. First Quarty (Quarto party) freshman year. Loved it, so fun. Dariya dancing with the lamp. I will always remember that till the day I die. Second favorite Quarto moment...Quarto Prom sophomore year. That was iconic. I came as prom king. It was beautiful. I had a great time. Third favorite Quarto moment, the skeleton that always parties with us. I think of them often. Fourth favorite Quarto moment, the cakes that we realized were 15 bucks.
Lillabeth
That was huge.
Fatima
Huge moment, yeah. Fifth favorite Quarto moment, I loved our Write With Quarto. That was fun.
Lillabeth
So lovely.
Fatima
Lit Fest.
Lillabeth
Oh yeah.
Fatima
And our meetings, like those are always going to be, you know, the meeting where Tomiris was fighting for Luchadore?
Lillabeth
Yesssss!
Fatima
I'm sorry to all the other Quarto meetings. Nothing ever topped that.
Lillabeth
Yeah, because it was so funny. It was Tomiris and Dariya against everyone, and they totally changed everyone's mind. I don't know if we should be letting the people in on the secret, but we are all now totally in love with Luchadore and we talk about that all the time. That's Quarto lore. When you were mentioning those little Quarto lore moments, I remember that little doll that Adam brought in that one time.
Fatima
Yes, I forgot their name.
Lillabeth
I forgot their name too. They had a fabulous name that I now can't remember, but...
Fatima
We will get it for the purposes of this. (Their name is Crystal Paul!!!) What is your favorite Quarto moment?
Lillabeth
It's funny, you mentioned so many of the big, celebratory moments that were so beautiful. For some reason, I'm thinking of little moments; the summer after sophomore year, there was a day when it was you, me, a couple other people from Quarto, and we went to an outdoor concert in Central Park, and then we went and walked by the water, and I remember getting to talk to you and how wise you were, and that was very memorable for me. So I'm designating that as a Quarto moment. I’m thinking of when Renee and I were Events Editors together, we went one time to Party City to get decorations, and then we walked back on this beautiful day, and that moment of connection with her was also really lovely. And I'm remembering Armaan, when he and I first started to become good friends while he was Editor-in-Chief, and I was Events Editor. And we had a sort of, I won't go into too much detail here, but we had a bit of a crisis we had to deal with. And Armaan took me under his wing in the most wonderful way, and helped me through that. These moments of connection with these beautiful, beautiful people in Quarto. That's what I will cherish forever.
Fatima
That's beautiful. And you saying that just makes me think of all of the small moments too.
Lillabeth
There's so many, and those are what make Quarto so special,
Fatima
It truly is. I think it's almost unbelievable the abundant wonder we've experienced through just this one community. And it's not like anything else I've ever experienced in my life.
Lillabeth
Yeah, it's unlike anything that I would have imagined or expected. Truly, it's been so special.
Fatima
What lesson has Quarto taught you?
Lillabeth
Quarto has taught me 101 lessons. It's taught me so much about literature, about what it means to be creative, and what it means to be a writer in community. But I think if I had to choose one lesson, Quarto has taught me to have faith in myself. Most of us probably come into Quarto very intimidated by this room of really cool, creative, brilliant, well-spoken people. And it was hard for me in the beginning to feel like I fit and like I was worthy of even being in that room, but I just kept showing up. And I would push myself to speak in discussion more and more. And it brought me here. I think when I was a freshman, I would have been, maybe not amazed, but a little bit surprised that I became Editor-in-Chief. It was something that I had dreamed of, but I didn't necessarily think that I was capable of getting there, and through being surrounded by such wonderful people, I was able to prove to myself that I did belong in that room and that I had something to contribute, and that I was capable of being a leader. And I had those opportunities that allowed me to get to this point, which has been just so magical, better than I would have even hoped for.
What's your biggest lesson from Quarto?
Fatima
My answer will be very similar to yours, but I will hone in on one aspect in particular, and it's that I feel Quarto has really shaped my editorial voice, and again, it is only because of the fact that this is like a communal editorial space. At the very beginning, I felt the same exact way. I didn't want to raise my hand. I felt like I had nothing meaningful or substantive to add to any of the discussions. But as time has gone on, I've realized the importance that my perspective brings to a room like this, and I've really learned to hone in to what matters to me as an editor. Quarto has, in some ways,refined my taste, and maybe even complicated it a little bit. I think I'm a lot less critical of work, and I'm a lot more curious about what work is doing through Quarto, because of our focus and love for experimentation, and in turn, that's translated into my own relationship with my writing and being in community with others, and it's beautiful.
Lillabeth
Yeah, it is beautiful. And I think that's such a great thing to point out, how special it is that we get to have this sort of intimate relationship with student work and be invited by all of the different perspectives in the room to try and understand this work in a way that we wouldn't have thought of on our own. Being open to that is so crucial now more than ever, I think.
Fatima
What's one thing you want to do before you graduate?
Lillabeth
Well, I don't have much time! I want to finish out strong, finish with a bang. Unfortunately, my mind goes to all of the final projects that I need to be working on, stat! But, beyond that, I want to do the best that I can on all of these projects that I really believe in and I'm proud to get to work on. I want to be as active a member of my community as possible during this last month, and really show up for the people I love, and for Columbia, for our students in any way that I can. And I want to have fun. I want to party. Yeah, that's what I want to do. That was not one thing. That was like five things.
Fatima
That's awesome.
Lillabeth
But what do you want to do? You have a little bit more time than me.
Fatima
Yeah, I think before I graduate, I just want to be present. That's it. I want to feel really present in my body. I want to feel present in my community. I want to feel present in my coursework. And that said, the rest will follow.
Lillabeth
That is both the most important and hardest thing, to be present.
Fatima
Yeah, completely.
Lillabeth
That's very noble.
Fatima
So what's a favorite class you took at Barnard/Columbia, and I asked this very selfishly, so I know what classes to take next semester.
Lillabeth
Well, one of them you've already taken with me, which is Exophonic Women with Jhumpa Lahiri. I would highly recommend that. It was such a code-breaking, mind-blowing class, really important if you're an English major, and especially if you have interest in more than one language. A class that has almost never been topped for me was Clothing, which is an art history class with Anne Higgonet at Barnard that I took that my freshman fall, and it set the bar so high. We went through many different periods of fashion. We learned about many different critical lenses through which fashion can be interpreted. It was my first time reading Marx and Freud and Simone de Beauvoir and semiotic theory. It was such a wonderful introduction to college and the ways that academia can open up new ways of thinking and new perspectives and new possibilities, and it was also just fun. I love clothes! That was such a blast. I would highly recommend that to anyone. I loved all my English major requirement classes at Barnard, but I really loved The 18th Century Novel with Monica Cohen. She's wonderful. Lots of Jane Austen, which was a blast.
Fatima
I'm so glad we have this on record so that I can keep track of your recommendations. My favorite class is easily The Arabic Novel with Professor Hisham Matar. He is a beautiful man, a beautiful educator. Incredible syllabus. I've read literature that is literally rewiring my brain, my neural pathways. I've never been part of a literature class that encouraged me and expected me to be such a careful reader. And it's really strange, because I'm a literature student, but I think it's been a long time since I felt that my stakes in the course were felt just as strongly by the professor and I come into class every week, feeling like we're all coming in together, and there's a responsibility and an active commitment that we're each bringing to the table. And I never want to fall short, so I'm always extra attentive when I read and I'm preparing for class, because it feels like if I don't, I'm going to be missing out on so much substance. So for my own sake, I need to be prepared. And I love him. I really do. Yeah, that's my favorite class.
Lillabeth
Yeah, I'm also very lucky to be in my Creative Writing Senior Seminar with Professor Matar. Could not recommend him more. There's something about the presence that he brings to class that challenges you to meet him and to rise to his standard of presence and care and empathy and to make space for whatever piece we're considering and to ask more of yourself. And he does that in such a kind, welcoming way. But also there are stakes. I do feel the stakes in his class. That's really well put.
Fatima
And it's not a bad thing. You come in and you feel the importance of what this is. And I don't know, I love a class that takes itself, not too seriously, but like you said earlier, it’s a noble class.
This kind of takes us on a different trajectory. But what is your Barnard/Columbia hot take? What is the hill you are willing to die on?
Lillabeth
Well, so mine, I don't think it's a hot take. I think if you asked any Barnard student, they would say they would feel the same way. But the fact that we cannot use our dining dollars at Columbia, I think, is a travesty. I think it's unacceptable. Why do they hate women?
Fatima
They hate women!
Lillabeth
It's just so crazy because Columbia can use their dining dollars on Barnard's campus. So what's going on? What's happening? Yes, we have bubble tea now, but it's not good. It's definitely not as good as Cafe East. Cafe East bubble tea is good. Cafe East has, like, delicious froyo…
Fatima
You can't even have that? They hate y'all!
Lillabeth
They hate us, so what's up with that? The double standard is crazy. Fix that because that is absurd. There's much, there's much bigger fish to fry right now, but that's my hot take.
Fatima
No, like, and that's such an easy issue to solve. Well, my hot take is also dining hall related, but it will only reinforce the discrimination. My hot take is that JJs is the best dining hall on campus, and I will die on this hill. I really think JJ's is gourmet food. JJ's mozzarella sticks and chicken nuggets and freaking sandwiches are so yummy. It's huge. I could eat them every day. I will definitely have cholesterol problems, but I'm willing to suffer. Like, it's so good.
Lillabeth
The sacrifice we make.
Fatima
Yeah, it's a sacrifice I will make any day. And I really think it's gourmet food. Yeah, I would go on a date there. Like, fully.
Lillabeth
Yeah, one of the booths, that's kind of sexy. I should go to JJ's more often. The other day I went, and it was my first time in years going there during the day, and I was like, Oh, this is kind of nice.
Fatima
They have so much because they have the fries, you know, the nuggets, the omelet, the pancakes, pasta, quesadilla, burgers…
Anyway, what pieces of cultural media have you been obsessed with lately?
Lillabeth
Honestly, I feel like I'm so culturally exhausted, in a way that I am so inundated by media lately that I'm not like consuming a bunch. Honestly, I'm a big fan of YouTube vlogs, even though that's kind of cringe.
Fatima
Is there a vlogger you recommend?
Lillabeth
I would say my longtime favorite is this woman named Moya Mawhinney, who I first---
Fatima
I see that for you!
Lillabeth
Really?!
Fatima
She's such a cool girl. Before you even said it, I knew you were gonna mention her.
Lillabeth
Really?? That is so beautiful.
Fatima
She is that girl.
Lillabeth
Oh, she's so cool. And I've been watching her forever. I first found her when I was thinking about applying to Barnard because she was studying abroad at Barnard at that time.
Fatima
No way!
Lillabeth
Yes, she was studying abroad! And then she had to leave early because it was spring 2020, so it was COVID, but I found her vlogs of Barnard because I was looking on YouTube for like, what is Barnard like? So that was amazing, and I've just followed her ever since and fallen in love. I love Lauren Louise, aka @bigbooklady. She's so cool. She has such cool style. She reads great books, and she uses ambient music as the background music of her vlogs, and she's in the middle of nowhere, and it's such a vibe.
Fatima
Do you watch YouTube Shorts?
Lillabeth
A little bit since I deleted Instagram, but I don't think it's a superior short form video platform.
Fatima
It's definitely not so great, yeah.
Lillabeth
But you know, I'm on there sometimes when I have to scratch the itch. I also love podcasts. All the London Review of Books podcasts I love. The Cutting Room Floor is a great fashion podcast, Fashion Neurosis too, great guests and insightful conversations. I love Binchtopia as well, which is history and intellectualism, but make it fun and for the girls and gays. So those are my recs, not very high brow.
Fatima
Who cares? Yeah, no, we hate high-brow in this house. I've been obsessed with small presses lately. There's one called Pseudo Press on Instagram, and I think they're based in Berlin, I'm not sure, but they're so freaking talented, and they make the most beautiful zines and small books. And I want to be them very, very badly, and I want to have a small press of my own, very, very badly, incredible. But do I even know how to saddle stitch properly? No. Did it take me half an hour to saddle stitch my book? Yes.
Lillabeth
You'll get there.
I just have to plug that Fatima is the most amazing, incredible, creative, gorgeous zine-maker. She's out here being like, you know what? I wrote and designed this beautiful piece of art. Let me make it a physical object. And it's so incredible and so inspiring. And she just casually manifests this beautiful, beautiful physical piece of art. So this girl is gonna have her own small press, and it probably will become a big press, because she is just that iconic, and everyone is gonna want what she's got.
Fatima
Wait, if my life could be that I run a small press, I'd be so happy. Sounds beautiful. I would be so happy. Inshallah, we'll see. What else have I been obsessed with?What do I consume? I've been loving Abbott Elementary. I think it's, it's so good, weekly on Hulu. I think, Okay, I think they're still releasing episodes of the latest season, but it's super fun. I love Quinta Brunson.
Lillabeth
Yes!! Did you watch her when she started on Buzzfeed?
Fatima
Absolutely. And then I've been listening to The Marias a lot… and that’s it! That's the cultural media I'm consuming.
Lillabeth
Beautiful.
Fatima
Let's see, I think we have a last question. What do you hope next year brings you?
Lillabeth
Next year, I hope, will bring me peace, because this past year has not been very peaceful, but it's brought a lot of growth, but I hope I will have some peace in my post-college routine, and I hope it will bring me perspective and adventure. I think there's a lot of unknown ahead, but it's very exciting. I just can't wait to see what it brings, but I hope that it will be a respite in some way, from the craziness that has been the last four years of my life.
Fatima
I actually feel like there's nothing better you can hope for. That is beautiful.
Lillabeth
I hope so. This is not known for being the most peaceful city, so we'll see. Hopefully Brooklyn will be a little more peaceful.
Fatima
Yeah, I think it will be. I hope next year brings me… all the good things. I hope this year and the fall and the future brings me a lot of prosperity, I hope it brings me a lot of love and connection. I hope, if I I feel really fulfilled and inspired, and I hope I feel joyful.
Lillabeth
That's beautiful. And I'm sure you will, because you exude all those things, so they will all come to you.